Being single is tough. Being single in your 30's is really tough. Not only do we have to deal with the endless cacophony of "so when are you getting married" from everyone from your mother to 4 year old children...but we also have to run the particularly daunting gamut of single men of a certain age. And as we all know already...men are idiots. Really big idiots. I'm not saying I'm perfect. I know I'm not...but between my friends and I...we have come across many situations that just leave us without words. Or laughing hysterically...because men are idiots.
Below are just a few helpful hints for those idiot guys out there.
1) Don't be an idiot.
When failure to follow this rule occurs...please see remainder of the list.
2) Yes...I am amazing. Yes...I am wonderful. Yes...I do like to hear all of these things. But this does not mean that I immediately want to get into a serious relationship with you the day we meet. Nor does this give you the authority to get jealous, snippy, or make me feel guilty because I have a life outside of you. Remember...we JUST met.
3) I know how to do things for myself. Chances are, single women of a certain age have lived alone. And as a result are used to being independent and managing a house all on their own. I can mow my own lawn. I can fix things around the house. It is sweet if you offer. I may even take you up on it. But don't be put off if I tell you "no thanks, I got it."
4) I am not your mother. Act accordingly.
5) If I have children, and you have not met them yet...and we happen to run into one another in public...kids in tow...do not approach me. If you haven't met them yet...there's a good reason for it. I'm not ready for it, and they certainly are not ready for it. So I will act as if you don't exist.
6) Don't lie. Ever. I'm not stupid, and I will find out.
7) Harem's are a thing of the past. So if we end up in a serious relationship, I expect there to only be 2 people in that relationship. No more. No less.
8) You must be able to pass a mental health examination. Woman are the only one's allowed to be crazy.
9) No drugs. Duh.
10) Being a gentleman is not a thing of the past. Open the door, walk next to the street, all that good stuff that makes women swoon. Oh yeah...and don't stop doing it. Ever.
11) No means no. Yes means yes.
12) Be kind.
13) Share.
14) I am not your ex.
15) This is not my first time around the block with relationships. I am no longer 15. I'm older. I'm wiser. I'm better.
16) If you say you're going to do something. Do it.
17) I don't need you. I want you. When you figure out that's a compliment, please come see me.
