People

Ok,  before we get to the main point of tonight's post, I just have to share something with you.  If you are prone to a queasy stomach in sensitive situations...just skip to the next paragraph.  I think I killed a bird tonight...while watering my plants.  For a few weeks, there has been a bird living in my hanging basket...and every night, it politely flies away when I water the plant...you know...so it doesn't die (the plant...that is).  But tonight....it didn't fly away.  It fell.  To this point...it's not dead dead.  But it sure isn't moving that much.  I may need to call in dad's bird removal services soon.  The last I saw it, it was just sitting there...not really moving much.  So I'm hoping it's just stunned, and that soon, it's going to just fly away, and never come back to my hanging basket.  Ever.  Again.

I'm glad I got that off my chest.  You can berate me for being an awful human being now. 

I have a love/hate relationship with people.  I love people...in fact...I probably love everyone that's reading this post right now.  (Please feel free to pause and say "Awwwwwwwwwwwww" now)  But I also hate people...because, let's be honest, people can be weird, and stupid, and annoying.  Or maybe that's just my perception of them.  But instead of being so annoyed that I become a hermit on my farm to avoid said annoying people, I choose to laugh at them.  I always said at my last job if I weren't able to laugh at the stupidity I was shown every day, I would go crazy.  (Seriously...there are only so many times you can tell people how to spell "strategies" or try to explain what a web browser is.  And if you think I'm joking that those were two of the most frequently asked questions I ever received...you need to work in customer service for a while.  Then you'll know.)  So here lies the main point of tonight's post.  People.  Different kinds of people.  All situations I've been in recently.  So I thought you might like a laugh or two at their expense. 

I decided to treat myself today.  Having recently gotten paid, I decided to run some errands today for some projects I want to work on before busy season hits.  And instead of doing my usual lunch on errands day of eating my not so emergency, emergency granola bar...I decided to take myself to lunch.  At what has previously been one of my favorite places to "hang out" in town.  The coffee shop.  And by coffee shop, I do not mean Starbucks...because I do not approve of Starbucks.  This is a locally owned, rather hipster for Middle America, coffee shop.  With good food too.  It's always been a favorite place of mine, even when I didn't live here.  It's the place I first met, and first got creeped out, by my BFF's husband.  Hmm...perhaps you should have heard my Maid of Honor speech to fully understand that one.  (Long story short, it was creepy in a good way, because I thought that they were so well matched.)  It's a good place.  So I go in for lunch...and they're rather busy...which is cool...I'm under no time constraint.  Except...I then realize that over half the people in there are half my age.  Which is not so cool.   Because when you get a mass quantity of young people in a coffee house, unsupervised...annoyance happens.  And since I had plenty of time to wait, because it took foreeeeeeeeeeeeeeevvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvver to get my food (I told you they were busy) I had plenty of opportunities to observe them.  Apparently...all of these kids had just been to some type of health safety class...where apparently the main topic of conversation was how to avoid getting germs(?).  Anyway...apparently there were new methods of greeting people that involved no chance of an exchange of bodily fluids.  Something Sheldon Cooper would jump on in a heart beat...if he were ever interested in touching someone...which he isn't.  And then there were many conversations that involved the words "duuuuuuuuuuuuude" and "like".  And then they finally went to another section of the coffee house, under the recommendation of the girl working the counter, who was as annoyed as the rest of us.  And then as soon as the kiddos went to the back room, a table full of women my age found another table in the front of the coffee house.  They were that bad. 

So I smirked into my Diet Coke, and found a table at the front of the coffee house. 

To any men reading this post...I apologize in advance for this next part...partially. 

Men are idiots.  Wait...let me rephrase.  Boys...boys are idiots.  So, I talked to this guy yesterday...for about 45 minutes...which, in retrospect was about 45 minutes too long.  In under 5 minutes, he had already asked me to marry him...and proceeded to do so again another 8 times while we talked.  And if that weren't bad enough...he would proceed to ask me questions...demanding answers...and then I would get, at most, 5 words out of my mouth before he would interrupt me.  He proceeded to wrap up the day by asking a quite vulgar question...one that is best not shared for public knowledge.  Just rest assured knowing that I didn't answer...unless you count hanging up on him.  I guess you could consider that an answer.  Anyway...he proceeds to call me back immediately...to which I didn't answer...and he left me a voice message saying he was sorry...but that's just how he is, and I should be ok with that.  Well...I'm ok with who people are...but if you're gonna be like that...I don't have to put up with listening to you.  So then he calls back again.  And I still don't answer.  And this time, he tells me that he wants babies...girls, specifically, and he was really hoping I would provide them for him.  Riiiiiiiiiiiiight...because I'm a baby factory.  So then a couple of hours go by, and I think I'm free and clear.  But I'm not...he calls me back a third time, and I still don't answer.  (Normal people would have gotten the hint by now, right?) So this time he tells me that he's just really lonely, and he would really appreciate it if I would meet him for lunch.  Really???  Seriously????  No.  So I decide I need to put an end to this.  I send him a text and tell him never to contact me ever again.  To which he said he just had to try because I'm so pretty.  *puke*  Fortunately, I haven't heard from him since. 

The sad thing here is that though this is an extreme case...it certainly is not alone in my stories of weird, bad dates.  Yes, I realize this wasn't a date...but could you imagine how much material I could have gotten had I actually went out with him???  My book would be written.  Sadly...I'm not certain I would make it through the hour without going insane...so I guess we'll never know. 

But never fear...with my track record...I'm sure I'll come across more material in the future. 

I will say, however, trying to look on the bright side of things...something positive has come out of that experience.  Other than the chuckles I hope you all just had.  For as many problems with self confidence as I've had over the years...one thing is for certain...I KNOW I deserve better than that guy.